youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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