Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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