chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
