Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
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