I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
