he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
