That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize