Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Randomize