well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
