Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
