So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Randomize
