so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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