I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
