i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
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