So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
