oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
