love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
