I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
