just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
