if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Randomize
