Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
