I think I died a long time ago.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Randomize