The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
We're not piercing ourselves today.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
