how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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