So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
