when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
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