This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
