A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
