was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
