sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
farters have to be the big spoon...
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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