16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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