I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
