He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
