Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
