she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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