i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Randomize
