I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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