shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
