yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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