there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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