Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
