Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
