Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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