I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
You were trust falling into bushes
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
