Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
