I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
