dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
