Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
