Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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