he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
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