Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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