if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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