I don't usually arrange sex via text message
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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