The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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