"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
