it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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