moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
