bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
