Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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