We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
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