All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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