How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
