he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
