if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
