can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
A bitchslap is in order.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize