Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
