The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
