we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize