would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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