if i can run in heels then i can drive
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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