she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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