RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize