party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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