I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
