DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Randomize
