I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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