Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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