we have officially lost it.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
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