Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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