Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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